The Perils of Being a Millennial

Let me preface this by I am not a single female and that I try really hard not to read those corny Facebook posts about why being a single mom is so hard or how the nanny killed a newborn by not paying attention to it (please do not waste your time reading those articles because you will wish you had lit you eyeballs on fire after).

Yet of course today I clicked on one that was about how being married is so incredibly difficult. There’s projects on the house to work on, there are disagreements, there are days of hatred between significant others.  It IS hard.

My problem with the post was it shamed women that wanted to be married and have children because they are looking for it for the wrong reasons, the dress, the adorable baby, etc.

I CANNOT PHYSICALLY HANDLE THE PAIN IN MY CHEST CAUSED BY THE STUPIDITY OF PEOPLE COMMENTING ON THESE POSTS AND ENCOURAGING IT.

“Then stop reading”.  But I can’t.  It’s like a Kate Spade surprise sale sending you emails every six hours reminding you that everything is 75% off.

We shame people.  We analyze everything thing we do and decide to write posts about.

Yes you should be married, no you should be single, you should be a stay at home mom, working mothers give their kids more value, these people are liberal snowflakes, these people are white supremacists.

We can’t take it anymore!  Someone make it stop!  We’re overloaded with opinions every single day, day in and day out and we cannot possible care anymore.  But we’re taught that technology=power, and so we keep getting sucked in, reading bigoted comment after bigoted comment.

I am sad.  Truly sad that we feed into this non stop, judgmental cluster fuck every day.  And that I continue to read them.

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“So you failed. Alright you really failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You think I care about that? I do understand. You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you’re still smiling.”

This used to be one of my favorite quotes.

And then I actually failed.

Sure you can fail a class, maybe fail at a friendship, but then you have your first big, real failure.

Suddenly the ground is out from under you, and you’re sitting there on your ass looking at the world swirling around above you thinking “why the hell am I even here”.

That has been the past month.  Trying to find some sort of meaning in my actions, why I did what I did, and how I can somehow make it better.  But the true fact is – I’m the one that messed up, and for once,  I can’t just shove it under the rug.  I can’t give someone a smile and hope that they forget all of my mishaps.

I’m still around, but I’ll let you know when I can start smiling again.

2017 Part 2

I’ve always been one of those annoying New Year’s resolution skeptics who says “why put it off until the first of the year if you can start today”.

Yes, I’m sorry, I know how every time someone says that to you, you have to fight back the urge to shake your finger in their face and tell them to buzz off.

As my apology, I’ve made a few “resolutions” this year.

  1. Blog more. As referred to in “A Blog a Day Keeps the Doctor Away” if you want more of an explanation.
  2. Drink more water.  This is literally my goal every year.  At least once a year I feel as if my entire body is going to shrivel up and I’ll just become a giant prune. So, water.
  3. Work LESS. I almost wrote “Work Smarter”, but no, I actually just want to do less work. My work is my life. LITERALLY MY LIFE, HOW SAD IS THAT.  I need more tacos, sand, mountains, and off brand vodka in my life.
  4. Snuggle my cat more. If that is even possible.

Simple, but attainable.

Until then there’s you

An ex boyfriend or three have told me I’m unemotional. Their exact words may have been “heartless bitch”, but details…..

I am unemotional to people.  I do not understand how to properly show emotion.  I smile at the wrong time, I cry only at sad Christmas commercials, and have to have the words “I love you” prodded out of me even if I mean it.  Don’t even get me started on hugs.

I’m not sure there is a single person on earth that knows how I truly feel about them, or even if I feel period!

I know, I’m working on it.

Until then there is this.  I’ve always been better at filling pages with my emotions.  I have so many emotions, that many of you know I have struggled to come to terms with.  I just want to make someone else feel.  Feel like it’s okay to have emotions, and it’s okay to not be okay every single fucking day of your life. But most of all it’s okay to let people see you at your weakest points.

Someday I hope I share these things with the people in my life, but until then there’s you.

Don’t Eff With My Jenga

It seems as if I’m constantly building myself up and then falling apart all over again.  Just a giant Jenga game that I purposely remove the “tricky” piece from once every few months just to see it crumble.  And then I’m broken.  I take my medicine and pray every day, hoping that somehow I get the strength to pick up the piece again.  For a while I started to think it was just me.

Truth is though, that’s life.  Life crumbles a lot.  We feel broken, we feel lost, and we feel confused.  We feel like it’s just such a hassle to rebuild the Jenga tower and we just want to quit.  But then you remember the fun.  The fun of pulling out those pieces, in hopes that it’s not followed by a crash.  And then that moment when it doesn’t, you feel like the world is yours.

Guess it’s time to start rebuilding my tower.