“So you failed. Alright you really failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You think I care about that? I do understand. You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you’re still smiling.”

This used to be one of my favorite quotes.

And then I actually failed.

Sure you can fail a class, maybe fail at a friendship, but then you have your first big, real failure.

Suddenly the ground is out from under you, and you’re sitting there on your ass looking at the world swirling around above you thinking “why the hell am I even here”.

That has been the past month.  Trying to find some sort of meaning in my actions, why I did what I did, and how I can somehow make it better.  But the true fact is – I’m the one that messed up, and for once,  I can’t just shove it under the rug.  I can’t give someone a smile and hope that they forget all of my mishaps.

I’m still around, but I’ll let you know when I can start smiling again.

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