This deserves to be untitled.

I have many amazing, beautiful things happening in my life right now.  I’ve been dying to post about them but found myself in a whirlwind lately.

My whirlwind stopped today, but it was stopped by something far different than I expected, and so today I can’t talk about those amazing, beautiful things, but rather something else as beautiful, but heartbreaking.

During my before-bed scrolling of Facebook, I came across a gofundme page for someone I used to work with.  I immediately worried he had become sick.  To my surprise, I clicked on the link to find that he had killed himself three days ago.

I will not pretend for a second I was close with him or knew his family, because I wasn’t.  I’d say hello and make small talk and eventually we grew to a point where we’d have normal conversations.  In those small moments though, there was one thing about him that was incredibly clear.  He had a beautiful, uplifting spirit.  He always had a smile on his face, and had such a kind demeanor.  It truly seemed like he just wanted the world to be happy.

I cannot say that I’m grieving, because I am not.  I can only pray for his family and friends, and ponder the same question as many others.  How do we not see these things coming?  How can we continuously be shocked by the loss of someone we wanted nothing more for then for them to be happy.

How on earth can we still have this negative stigma with mental illness that makes a person feel like they have no options left.  That makes someone feel like they cannot handle one single more day on this earth.  We sit here and repeat these phrases over and over again, yet we still fail to give love as freely as it’s needed.

I have been in many dark places over the years, and I can say with certainty that the only way I was able to come out was because of acceptance.  Acceptance of help, acceptance of others, acceptance that this didn’t have to be my life.  But none of those things I could have done on my own. I have been blessed to have an amazing support system.

I cannot tell enough people how grateful I am for them today and how much I love them.  You should too.


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