You make me feel like honey and trombones

If you don’t get the title, we can’t be friends.

I think I’m finally growing up.  Maybe.

I still make terrible decisions, but last night I finally stopped making the same one I’ve made over and over again.

I’ve always felt like we live in a time and area where it’s not “cool” to want to be with someone. You date, kind of, you meet their friends, kind of, and then it ends.  It’s casual, it’s easy, and there’s no commitment.  I don’t mind commitment.   I’ve had successful relationships for the most part, but I’ve fallen into this pattern too, and am guilty of all the things I hate.  And it always happens with the SAME person.

So there I was at Provision last night, feeling old as hell to begin with because it was packed and loud and I didn’t want to deal with packed and loud and girls in short dresses.  But anyway, there I was, and there he was.  He was drunk and obnoxious, which apparently I’ve tolerated for years now and never realized it.  Before I think I would have taken that as a cue that I just needed to drink more to deal with it, but this time I felt different.  I just wanted it to be over with.  I don’t want any more 12 am “hi” texts.  So I finally did what a normal rational person would do, I told him to go home.

I know it all sounds so insignificant, but it’s so big!  I’ve been trying to make so many positive changes in my life recently (including this blog!) and it’s just another step in the right direction.  I’m tired.  I’m tired of not having what I want and settling for what is in front of me.

I want to feel like honey and trombones.

I’ve felt that way before! And maybe it wasn’t over anything real, but it felt real at the time and I want to feel like that all the time.  I deserve to be happy.  Sometimes I have to remind myself of that, and I think everyone should remind themselves every now and then.  Actually say it to yourself right now, I deserve to be happy.  It makes you feel a little bit better.

I still feel like I don’t deserve it sometimes, especially after things I’ve done and said, but I just keep reminding myself.  And last night was a great reminder to myself.

I want to feel like honey and trombones.

 

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