Huh?

I typically pride myself on being one of the people in my group of friends that consisently has their shit somewhat together.  I’ve had a steady job for quite some time with a company that I always knew I wanted to work for.  I haven’t had any tramautic break ups in the past several years, and major catastrophes in my life are fairly minimal.

I am an incredibly lucky girl.  I know. 

Since July, I’ve found myself growing less content with my life though.  It’s not just one of my stages of everything is going so well that I’m getting bored though.  I have done so much to rid myself of negativity in my life, and yet it keeps creeping back in and it’s entirely centered around my workplace. 

So stop whining and get a new job.

Yeah, I’d love to.  But what?  You see all of these things like “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life”.  Well what if there is not a single thing in the world that you are passionate about.  In all of my career related conversations, I keep avoiding saying that.  THERE IS NOT A SINGLE THING THAT I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT.  It feels good to get it out sometimes and other times it makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.  I have zero passion, zero direction, and some financial skills.  And this is why I’ve started freaking out.  I’m so unhappy, yet feel completely trapped so I just continually run in circles in my head thinking about it.  “There has to be something”, “I know I’m good at what I do so I should just stay”, “But you are so miserable how can you volunteer to miserable for the rest of your career”.  It just keeps going and going and going. 

I feel like I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t even think about it anymore and I just want everything to be solved and over with.  I just want to move on and be happy, and not come home every day feeling like complete trash. Yet, I don’t even have a clue where to start. 

I just sound annoying.  Annoying and lost.

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