Help

I can’t be hungover at 8 PM on a Saturday night anymore.

At how many mimosa pitchers do I decide that I need to make a couple of changes in my life.

I’m whiny and needy and I just want someone to tell me what on earth to do with my life.  Because clearly something isn’t working quite like it should.

 

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Breaking the cycle

I wrote a post not so long about the people we meet, the people who give us hope.  The people that we meet them and instantly we feel like every day is filled with something better.

But then there are those those people who take away all of our hope.  The people that say one word, and instantly our hearts are on the ground, and everything within us deflates.

These people become such important fixtures in our lives.  They stick around for as long as we allow them, we obsess over their every action and every word they speak to us.  We want so badly for them to be the people that give us hope, but each time, they let us down.

We fixate on these people so much that in our minds, they become these grandiose characters. We feel like they are part of our lives, but when you sit down and dissect all the little things that make you who you are, they are just people who wandered into the picture. Their thoughts of us are just thoughts, they are not a part of us.

How do we get rid of them?  People that we want so badly to fill our hearts with something beautiful, with everything that makes us feel content.

They are not the people that we need.  Say it out loud.  It hurts.  It hurts to say that this enigma cannot be part of my life anymore.  But that is what it is.

I’ll protect you

I have never written the words, to keep this little piece of magic inside my head for just a little bit longer.

When the words find their way out, the past will finally be where it is, never to return to the living,

I want to hold the memory close for just a little longer.

I want to keep the sun in my mind, and pretend that I’ll never have to relive that feeling when the plane hit the runway.

I’ll protect you, don’t you worry.

I love my cat

I could literally leave this post at just that.  I love my cat, she’s better than all pets on earth, no arguing.

On Christmas Day 2014, I decided that I wanted to spend the next day at shelters, just looking at cats (THIS IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA). I didn’t plan on adopting one that day (ha!).

Our first stop was a smaller shelter about 20 miles away.  I had looked online at the cats they had rescued, and there was an adorable little orange kitten that I wanted to name Henry or Alfred.  My sister’s attention was drawn to a little gray fluffball named Haddie.

The second I got there I bee lined for the little orange cat.  He was asleep, and had 0 interest in me.  I wandered over to where my sister was playing with the little gray cat. She immediately started licking my hand.  I asked if we could take her out of the cage as she was basically trying to break out at that point.

We took her into a playroom and she immediately climbed on my shirt and started licking my face.  She was mine.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t allowed to adopt her that day.  My landlord hadn’t called back to confirm that I was permitted to have a pet in her house.  I was told I could come back the next morning and adopt her then.

The shelter opened at noon the next day, and I was in the parking lot waiting at 11:45.  My landlord never called.  I left her six voicemails.  The shelter saw my desperation as a pesky four year started inching closer to her cage.  They said they would move forward as long as my landlord called by the end of the day.  I packed her up that night and made the drive back to DC from Pennsylvania with my little sidekick by my side.

Until that day, I didn’t know what it meant to have something to look forward to when I got home.  No matter how bad my day was, I knew that I would have my adorable little gray kitty waiting to snuggle and give kisses as soon as I got home.  To be honest, I wasn’t even sure that I could love a living thing that much.  Trouble sleeping?  No problem, she turns herself into big spoon and puts her paws on your back to keep you relaxed.

Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for this little snuggle monster that has been, by far, the biggest blessing I’ve ever had in my life.

 

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Experiencers

I don’t consider myself a trendy person, I have a FitBit and some wonderful ankle boots, but that’s about as trendy as I get.  I’ve taken one yoga class and painted my nails black exactly once.

So where do I fall on the whole “experience” trend?  Somewhere between jealousy of the amazing trips  I cannot afford and annoyed by busy-ness of it all.

Clarify.  I love traveling.  I spend my life trying to make people’s travel experience’s better.  That’s dedication.  I want to go everywhere I possibly can without repeating anytime soon.  I don’t believe in the notion of spending your entire life working so you can have a lovely retirement, and then what happens if you or your significant other aren’t around to see that?  It’s morbid, but now that I’ve seen it, my decision is even more validated.

We become more interesting as people with new experiences.  Our conversations are more full of life instead of things.  Every day becomes a new learning experience of a place to go or something to do.

A downside does exist though.  I just waited an hour for some good Filipino food at Bad Saint.  Yes, it was wonderful, and flavorful, but just good (try the clams).  It’s not like I felt the first time I had the s’mores ice cream at All Purpose.  That, I would wait an hour for.

Where do we draw the line at experiences?  When do we stop overhyping them?  Do we someday switch back to just caring about things?  Do we even want that so us “experiencers” can go back to experiences?

Just some questions.

The Truth About Invincibility

Invincibility as I used to think, was reserved for people like Captain Planet and Meredith Grey.

As we age, our  tastes change, and the definitions we had once assigned to people, places, and things begin to take on a new meaning.

Invincibility is working an eleven hour day and still doing two loads of laundry that evening.

Invincibility is staying up until 11 PM helping your daughter with her homework despite not truly knowing if the answers are correct.

Invincibility is loving a living thing so much that even the though of lising him or her is too much.

Invincibility is knowing how good that donut would be but refusing it anyway.

Invincibility is watching a loved one slip away from you and having zero control to stop it.

Invincibility is having your heart broken and packing your bags and going to Aruba to heal.

Invincibility is saying “screw it” and not leaving your couch or a day because you finally needed a break.

Invincibility is choosing to work with your demons, instead of focusing all of your time trying to overcome them.

Invincibility is looking someone in the eye and not accepting what they define you as, but how you define yourself.

The Perils of Being a Millennial

Let me preface this by I am not a single female and that I try really hard not to read those corny Facebook posts about why being a single mom is so hard or how the nanny killed a newborn by not paying attention to it (please do not waste your time reading those articles because you will wish you had lit you eyeballs on fire after).

Yet of course today I clicked on one that was about how being married is so incredibly difficult. There’s projects on the house to work on, there are disagreements, there are days of hatred between significant others.  It IS hard.

My problem with the post was it shamed women that wanted to be married and have children because they are looking for it for the wrong reasons, the dress, the adorable baby, etc.

I CANNOT PHYSICALLY HANDLE THE PAIN IN MY CHEST CAUSED BY THE STUPIDITY OF PEOPLE COMMENTING ON THESE POSTS AND ENCOURAGING IT.

“Then stop reading”.  But I can’t.  It’s like a Kate Spade surprise sale sending you emails every six hours reminding you that everything is 75% off.

We shame people.  We analyze everything thing we do and decide to write posts about.

Yes you should be married, no you should be single, you should be a stay at home mom, working mothers give their kids more value, these people are liberal snowflakes, these people are white supremacists.

We can’t take it anymore!  Someone make it stop!  We’re overloaded with opinions every single day, day in and day out and we cannot possible care anymore.  But we’re taught that technology=power, and so we keep getting sucked in, reading bigoted comment after bigoted comment.

I am sad.  Truly sad that we feed into this non stop, judgmental cluster fuck every day.  And that I continue to read them.